Stress

Feeling stressed lately. It is different to it has been in the past. In the past 'something' would happen. Say.....an unexpected big bill with not enough money to pay for it. Or an argument, offending someone, worry, worry, worry!!  I HATE it so much and now I feel it again but like I said in a different way. Like something lurking in the background. Nothing really happening that would prompt me to be stressed but yet it lingers. Like an unwelcomed guest.

Now I am trying to take deep breaths and go easier on myself. I feel in some ways it was better when I was somewhat of a hermit. I could keep on top of naps, disciplining the kids, housework. It was like something had to give and 'hanging' out with people had to be it.

I don't feel like I was taught how to be generous. I also think I am too hard on myself about it all but still I just do not want a messy house!!  I see other people have messier houses but fuller 'scheduals'.

Let me clarify that I am not comparing myself to others and casting this wholly negative light on myself and I most certainly don't think my value as a person is defined by the cleanliness of my home. I also don't go to other people's homes and notice clean or tidy. I notice them!

Not sure really and can't quite put my finger on it.

Thanks to Bec and Nelle on your replies in my previous post. You were both on the money with what I was referring too. Why do you think I had a shared facebook with Ben for so long! At that stage I was so afraid of people's criticism of me. I had been quite hurt by other people's 'honesty' which was in the end nothing but unfair judgement and making me a scapegoat because I'm 'tough'. Well newsflash.....I am sensitive and tenderhearted. The bold me is true but also the element of the 'soft' side of me is often overlooked.

It is hurtful being constantly made a scapegoat but at the same time I have grown up a bit (thankfully) and now I don't mind (so much). I do long to be that 'nice girl' sometimes though but this also contradicts the me wanting to be a hermit! haha

Better feed the baby and hop him in bed followed closely by myself!

Do you ever

Have things you really want to say on your blog. I mean, it's 'your' place BUT other people read it. Once it's out there is right out there in the WEB. It might not be anything bad per say and it might be at the same time. Something someone did to offend you. I find time often is best with that one. A bit of reflection and you realize it wasn't really worth getting upset about in the first place.

Or a secrt, something embarassing or funny.....guess that's what husbands are for. Good old Ben can be told the non internetty things :)

Since we last spoke....

I have not started sewing all those itty bitty scraps together. I have started a little runner for the top of our new (to us) piano. Something to just give it a bit of a prettying up.

Life has been ticking by with lots to do and lots on my mind.

Yesteray was a beautiful sunny day (almost didn't feel like winter!) so we got out into the yard (all 7 of us). Elijah was site supervisor and the others were calling out left, right and centre "mummy are you watching?" If anything is going to tip me over it might be being asked way way WAY to many times "are you watching?" Especially when they are looking straight at me and asking 3 times in a row without giving me a chance to respond. Silly babies! Nonetheless there were many instances of watching, laughing and smiling.

Our internet has been slowed so now no chance of uploading pictures for a few more days.

Thank you Jaclyn for your camera advice :)

Be back soon with a few things to share. :)